


Wait for it

by Imaginesfordayss



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Avengers - Freeform, F/M, Marvel - Freeform, sad things, steve rogers - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-23
Updated: 2016-11-23
Packaged: 2018-09-01 17:44:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8632483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Imaginesfordayss/pseuds/Imaginesfordayss
Summary: Steve’s past and present seem to be constantly tainted with death (This is so Bad liek ?? ? ? wtf am i doing)





	

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the wonderful Hamilton song 'Wait for it'

__**Death doesn’t discriminate  
Between the sinners  
And the saints**

It started with his mother Sarah. When she passed, he was a mess. She had been sick for a while so it was expected, and yet it wasn’t. He depended on his mother, she was his anchor for as long as he could remember. She was who tended to his injuries when he got beat up in alleys, she was the person that fed him soup every time he got the flu. She was the woman that worked days and nights to put food on the table for the both of them.

It took him a long time and help from his best pal Bucky to get past her death. The ache in his heart never stopped though, even 70 years later, he could feel his chest caving in when he thought of his mother. 

_**It takes and it takes and it takes  
And we keep living anyway** _

When Bucky told him about joining the army, he was scared. Men came back in caskets everyday, he knew Bucky, as tough as he was, could be one of them. 

When they told him Buck had been captured, he feared the worst. And when he got him back, it was the happiest moment of his life. Steve looked him over on the operating table making sure he wasn’t injured, he wasn’t, not physically. When they make it back to the 107th, Steve hoped it would put an end to his anxiety. Bucky was alive, he was okay.  

The Howling Commandos were a rag tag bunch of soldiers ready to lay down their lives for him and that struck fear in him. He never in a million years thought that one day, he’d lose them. 

Steve wondered if he could have saved him that day on the train. It was a constant thought, a guilty feeling in his gut that never seemed to go away. If Steve reached out just a few inches more, he could have saved Bucky. _It was my fault._

He drank his sorrows away, though he knew the alcohol wouldn’t do anything for him, he enjoyed the burn. He stayed at the bar for days, the place that Bucky had agreed to fight alongside him in battle, and he drank and drank and drank. 

Steve wouldn’t dare say it out loud, saying it would make it real and he couldn’t grasp the idea of his best friend being gone. 

“I’m sorry, Buck.”

****_We rise and we fall_   
_And we break_   
_And we make our mistakes_

Steve came to terms with his fate the moment he stepped on that plane. He knew it was the right thing and that it was the only option but the thought of never seeing Peggy again devastated him. She was the only one who ever noticed him, even before the serum. 

“I’m gonna need a rain check on that dance.”

When he woke again 70 years later to find that she was still alive, he felt a mix of things. Disheartened. Hopeful. Angered. Thrilled. She lived a long and happy life, she saw the world, married, had a few kids. 

He knew it was selfish to be upset that he hadn’t gotten to live this life with her but he was thankful for the time he got to spend with her in her remaining days. Sometimes she remembered him, other times it’d be like they were meeting all over again. 

He never let her see him cry. It was only when he was alone that he let the sobs wrack through his body violently. He wished he could go back and live the life he deserved. Live and die with the ones he loved. 

When he got the call, he froze up, his body went into shock. He didn’t cry. He took the first flight out to London. He knew she passed of natural causes and yet, he felt she was taken from him too soon. 

Every staggering step he took towards her coffin made his body shake in despair. He was sure he wouldn’t make it to her before he collapsed from the shear grief that coursed through him.

And he never got that dance. 

_**And if there’s a reason I’m still alive  
When everyone who loves me has died** _

When they brought her to the Avengers tower, he was sure she would be more trouble than she was worth. He was right, but not in the way he wanted to be.

She was a force to be reckoned with and it captivated him. She seemed so small and fragile and yet, she dropped him on his ass more times than he could count when they sparred. He grew close to her, too close. 

In a world where devastating events and danger were around the corner, she was so bright and full of love. She was the type of girl who’d stop Sam and Bucky from hurting spiders they found around the tower. He couldn’t help but laugh the first time she had done it, screaming a the both of his pals for trying to crush the small bug with their shoes. 

“He isn’t hurting anyone! Give me him, I’ll take him outside.”

“It’s just a bug, y/n.”

“It’s a living thing, it deserves to live just like anyone else.” He admired her for that, for loving so hard even through the horrors he knew she’d witnessed. She told him late one night, when neither of them could sleep. Her parents died in a fire early on in her life and the people who had taken her in turned out to be Hydra recruiters, turning her into a weapon for them but she had fled as soon as she found out their intentions. 

There were days when he’d find her alone in the kitchen dancing to a tune in her head and other days, she’d curl up on the couch sobbing over the lives she couldn’t save on missions. It took him a long time to convince her that the deaths weren’t her fault, the guilt wasn’t hers to bare.

Their first kiss was shared on Tony’s balcony, overlooking the city. She leaned in close to him, asking permission with her eyes, wondering whether he’d pull away from her, but he didn’t. He leaned forehead and pressed his slightly chapped lips on her own. It’d been a while since either of them kissed another person so they were both fairly hesitant but when their lips met, god it was like breathing for the first time. Her mouth fit on his perfectly and she could have sworn she heard him moan into the kiss. 

They shared secret kisses after that, not sure whether they should tell the team that they were, whatever they were. Often times she’d show up at his door during absurd hours of the night and he’d invite her in without hesitation and they’d just talk. About life and love, and death. Being with her felt like home to Steve, it felt natural, like she was the answer to why he had survived being frozen into the next century, it was to be here with her. 

He realized he loved her too late.

He begged her not to do it, not to go back into the building. He knew she wouldn’t listen, he heard her mumbling over the earpiece _they’re just children._ So she ran back into the Hydra base anyway, she knew what their fates would be if she didn’t save them, she never took into account that by saving their lives, she would have to give up her own. 

Steve’s stomach dropped when he heard the first gun shot and he felt as if he had forgotten how to breathe when her intercom cut off. The team rushed in after her.

When Steve got inside, they were crowded around her, Natasha’s hands covered in crimson liquid trying to stop the blood from gushing out of her chest, but it was no use. Her eyes were glazed over and her body was still. They stared at him, waiting for a reaction. 

“Save them.”

“What?” Sam said.

“The kids, save them. That’s what she wanted.” They reluctantly got up, some of them wiping their eyes before they continued their mission but Steve didn’t move an inch. He just stared at her, his eyes beginning to water. She had a smile on her face, a content look. She had accepted death, though Steve thought he probably never would. 

“I love you.” He paused in between a harsh intake of breath. “I should have told you earlier, I should have….I’m so sorry i let this happen to you.” He held the girl in his arms, not minding the blood that spilled onto his uniform. He stayed that way even after the team got back, letting his tears fall freely, holding his lips to the top of her head, internally begging her to not leave him like this.

They asked him to speak at the funeral but he didn’t have words. There were no words to describe the sadness in him. He sat in his room for a long time. Days past without him moving from the chair next to the windowsill, it overlooked the bright city. It was her favorite place to sit when she couldn’t sleep at night. She loved the city, she loved watching people strolling down the streets, smiles of their faces. Guilt coarsed through him day and night, he wondered if was cursed. If everyone he loved was destined to die simply by knowing him. 

After time, the pain lessened but sometimes he could swear he heard her voice, her laugh, her jokes about his old age, her voice singing a tune he couldn’t recognize. He found comfort in those tiny moments, even embracing them. If this was what it felt like to be haunted by your past, then he would gladly accept the punishment. 

_**I’m willing to wait for it** _


End file.
